Knights
Sir Neil J. Everyman – Born in Manchester, but currently making his home in both London and New York, because it’s faster to get to the places he needs to be from the city and Mr. Everyman is just as miserable anywhere he goes. Neil calls himself a professional writer, though when he does it he says it with a sneer. He is best known for his best selling “Boy Wizard” books, or which he has written eight and is said to have plotted at least five more. His other works include a variety of short fiction published in London magazines, several out of print novelettes, and a book of poems entitled “The Ravages of Success”. He was knighted in 2002 after his third book surpassed all other British literature on the all time best seller list. Everyman insisted he was only receiving the knighthood ironically.
Sir Dizzy Mephistopheles Claiborne – Dizzy makes his home in London, England though, holding the record for most live performances by a living artist, Dizzy rarely sees his home or family. He is originally from Wales, though it is important to note that his accent is in no way indicative of Welsh speech or any other accent for that matter. He is the third best selling metal artist of all time and the number one most downloaded artist on the web. After touring with his band in the eighties, he legally had his middle name changed to Mephistopheles, though he never uses it on legal forms, as he still cannot remember how it’s spelled. Dizzy is married with two children, a boy and a girl named Taylor and Ashley. To this day, he can’t say which is which. Dizzy was knighted in 1992 after establishing “The Dizzy Claiborne Society for Mental Retards”, which seemed to have a perfectly reasonable name in 90’s Britain. It has since shut down and become a pub.
Sir Patrick Tottington – Roger Eager of “The Bath Examiner” once said that “…no single man’s movies have touched so many as the works of Patrick Tottington.” Whether or not this is true is inconsequential as Roger Eager is in fact a plumber who works at “The Bath Examiner” in Detroit, MI. Tottington did, however, make a number of bids for the most prestigious of film awards in the early 90’s, playing Nazis with impeccable British accents. Since then, a number of his works have been featured on such fine channels as the Syence Fyction Channel and Ireland’s Channel 5. He is known worldwide as the supporting man in such straight to video masterpieces as “87 Madmen and 1 Lunatic” and “A World Without Bees”. He is rumored to currently be in production in what is being billed as his comeback film, a re-imagining of Shakespeare’s “Henry V”. Perhaps the single achievement for which Tottington is best known is his public biting of international singing sensation Emerald at the British Gay and Lesbian Entertainer Awards in 2005. He had been knighted the year previous, citing his “lifetime of achievements”, none of which were mentioned in more detail.
